Leadership when nobody wants it.
Sometimes the biggest obstacle to good leadership is the very people you're trying to help.
And sometimes, the obstacle is you.
Being a leader is a great responsibility. You have a team, waiting on the edge of their seats, for your next vision deck, 90-day plan or the more efficient process you have been so excited about. This does happen sometimes, but most of the time your team are just trying to get through to Friday.
If you own the business, it is likely that you have fallen into leadership as that business grew and took on a team. You still get very excited about new ideas, new revenue streams. How about the efficiencies of AI! Not that those efficiencies free up your team's time, they just allow them to do more work, which, for you, is great. For them, it’s just an expectation of more output. Just because you can see a brighter future doesn't mean your team wants to build it for you.
So what does good leadership look like when the people you're leading don't want to be led?
When you come up against resistance in your team, it could be one of two things.
Firstly, they are more than likely exhausted. We all are. When a leader brings a new idea to the team, and it looks like more work, you can expect a little resistance. Perhaps previous 'great ideas' have failed, perhaps the last new vision has disappeared and made way for this one? Your team has seen the success and failure of every new idea that has been thrown at them in the past.
Secondly, they may be pushing back because your idea needs work before it is implemented. If you, like me, often jump ahead on good ideas without putting the work in to make sure it's something that will actually bring change, then your team’s resistance may reflect that. That is a very healthy form of resistance. A team that feels empowered enough to push back is a team with a good level of psychological safety. If this is the case, then you can be proud of your team and how you have built them.
Either way, let's look at resistance not as a failure of your leadership but as feedback on how you are leading. Feedback that you can take on board and grow as a leader yourself.
So, to the main point of this article.
Here are four behaviours you can change that will help your leadership when it seems no one wants to be led. You will notice that none of these include yelling at your team. So don’t do that.
1. Curiosity
You have introduced a new vision, project or piece of work to the team and you are sensing some pushback. What do you do? The worst thing you could do is continue to explain to them why this is important. More words from you will not solve the problem. Become curious and ask questions. 'I'm sensing that you are reluctant, why is that?' 'What are your thoughts on ...?' And keep going. Each answer they give, ask more about it. Repeat what you are hearing back to them to make sure you have understood their concerns. Ask and be curious about the answer, don't just explain to them why they are wrong. And don't take it personally. It is very unlikely that they are resisting your idea because they don't like you.
2. Clarity
Before introducing the new thing to the team, be clear yourself about what it is and why you are doing it. Don't just tell them what is happening. Take them to the end. Show them the outcome. Why will this be better for our clients? How will this improve staff efficiency? Explain to them the destination and give them some ownership of the journey. Let me unpack that. The destination is where you want to get to, the journey must be shared. How you get there really doesn't matter. Your team may have a better way than you, after all, they are the ones who will be doing the work. Why do you care if they get there in a way that suits them, as long as they arrive?
3. Patience
You own this business. Any increase in revenue will go straight to you to either keep or reinvest how you want to. Your team, yes, it's their job, but are they as motivated as you?
Have patience with your team. Everyone moves along at different speeds. Owners and founders often move much more quickly. As long as the team are moving in the right direction, let them keep going. Momentum will build and they will reach the destination. You don't need to abandon your expectations, just allow them to move at their natural pace. That is how good work gets done. If you have clearly outlined the destination, all will be well.
4. Accountability not aggression
Earlier I mentioned leaders who yell. That is a big no-no. You absolutely, no way, never ever get to be aggressive towards your team. Or for that matter, your family, your friends, strangers on the street. Let's leave aggression out of it all.
That doesn't mean that you don't have accountability. Your team has a job to do, you have deadlines to meet, so they do need to be accountable for their work.
If you have been curious, provided clarity on the vision and are allowing them to move at their natural pace, you can hold them to account. You probably won't need to, but you can. It needs to be done while respecting people's feelings and maintaining reasonable standards. That's the important word, reasonable.
A good leader has created enough psychological safety in their team that a reasonable standard can be implemented without the team feeling like they are being hit with a hammer.
'Hi, would you be able to finish XYZ by the end of the month?' Asking is important. Maybe there's a reason they can't achieve your standard. Maybe there is work that they will need to pause in order to get this work done. Once again, curiosity is the key.
Let’s pull all of this together.
Sometimes the main issue in a team is you. You are so excited, you push, you want the best for everyone, but you want it now. Your 'help' may just be an overwhelming and intrusive burden on your team. Constantly pushing for more efficient performance will lead to exhaustion rather than the change you are looking for. One of the most difficult leadership skills you need to develop is to stop, shut up and listen to the room.
Leadership isn't about securing universal agreement. There will be times when difficult decisions must be made, expectations enforced and change pursued despite opposition. But the measure of leadership isn't how successfully you get people to comply. It's whether you can create the conditions in which people are willing to contribute, even when things are difficult.
Maybe leadership isn't about convincing everybody to follow you. Maybe it's about becoming the kind of leader people trust enough to follow, even when they'd rather not. Because if I am the only person who's excited, am I actually leading or just dragging everyone else along?
My name is Ben Graham-Nellor. I run a financial planning firm called Smart Happy Money and a B2B consulting firm called The Uncomfortable Adviser. I teach people to ask better questions, build stronger teams, get better results and use money well.
